Friendship: The Worst Investment You’ll Ever Make (Spoiler: It’s Priceless)

Introduction: The Gamble of Friendship

Friendship is a wild investment. No guaranteed returns, no predictable market trends, and sometimes, it feels like you’re pouring all your emotional stocks into something that just isn’t giving back. And yet… we keep doing it. Why? Because, through all my life experiences, I’ve realized that friendship is one of the most valuable, transformative, and downright entertaining parts of being human.

Over the years, I’ve experienced friendships that felt like sitcom-worthy adventures, ones that demanded more emotional labor than a full-time job, and others that slowly faded away like a soap opera character written out without explanation. From childhood friendships formed over an unwavering love for Star Trek (because naturally, saying "live long and prosper" made us look cool) to adult friendships strengthened through deep existential discussions over coffee and spontaneous pep talks that rival a Captain Picard monologue, I’ve truly seen it all.

This blog explores the lessons I’ve learned, sometimes the hard way, about what makes friendships thrive, when to hold on, when to let go, and why chosen family can be the most powerful force of all. So, grab a cup of masala tea (or something stronger, depending on how many friendship dramas you’ve endured), and let’s dive in!

You Are Who You Befriend

If you’ve ever played badminton against someone way below your skill level, you know your game starts to slip. The same applies to friendships. The people you spend time with shape your habits, mindset, and ambition more than you might realize. When you're surrounded by individuals who are stagnant, negative, or even toxic, their outlook can subtly seep into your own perspective. You might find yourself complaining more, doubting your potential, or settling for mediocrity.

On the flip side, when you choose to be around people who push boundaries, embrace personal growth, and have a vision for their lives, their energy becomes contagious. You start setting bigger goals, challenging yourself more, and stepping into your own potential. The right friends don’t just celebrate your successes; they challenge you to grow, even when it’s uncomfortable. They provide fresh perspectives, encourage new experiences, and remind you of your worth.

Think about the conversations you have with your closest friends. Are they filled with possibilities, creativity, and encouragement? Or do they revolve around gossip, negativity, and complaints? Your social circle is like the company you keep in a gym, are you working out with people who motivate you to push harder, or are you surrounded by those who convince you to skip leg day?

If your social circle feels stagnant, it might be time for a shake-up. Seek out friendships that inspire, challenge, and elevate you. Engage with people who are curious, ambitious, and committed to growth. Whether it’s through joining new communities, attending workshops, or simply being more intentional about who you give your time to, remember that the people around you will influence the trajectory of your life.

Another way to ensure you’re being challenged and supported is by working with a coach. A great coach helps you recognize patterns, push past limiting beliefs, and hold yourself accountable to growth. Much like the right friends, a coach encourages you to step outside your comfort zone, providing guidance and encouragement as you work toward becoming the best version of yourself.

Friendships aren’t just about who you spend time with, they’re about who you become in the process. The people in your circle can influence your mindset, push you toward personal growth, and even redefine what support looks like in your life. Think of it like assembling your own superhero team, are you surrounding yourself with wise mentors, fearless go-getters, and compassionate listeners, or just a bunch of sidekicks who nod along and offer no real substance?

This is especially true when we consider the depth and significance of chosen family. Because let’s face it, sometimes your best support system isn’t the one you were born into, it’s the one you curate with love, shared experiences, and a mutual appreciation for dramatic mid-week rant sessions over wine or masala tea.

The Power of Chosen Family

For many in the queer community, friendships aren’t just friendships, they’re lifelines. If your biological family struggles to accept you, your chosen family becomes your backbone. These are the people who show up, celebrate your wins, and hold space for your pain, sometimes with a bottle of wine and a well-timed eye roll about the absurdity of life.

Chosen family is about more than just support, it’s about building a network of unconditional love, trust, and mutual understanding. These relationships are formed through shared experiences, deep conversations, and the courage to show up for each other, even in difficult times. They are the friends who not only cheer for you during your highs but also sit with you through your lows, reminding you of your worth when the world feels unkind.

Unlike traditional family structures, chosen families are built intentionally. They reflect our values, our identities, and our aspirations. They are safe spaces where you don’t have to explain yourself or hide parts of who you are. Instead, you are celebrated for being exactly as you are. Whether it’s celebrating Pride together, offering a listening ear during tough times, or creating new traditions like "Bollywood themed Brunch Sundays," these friendships offer a level of acceptance that many in the queer community have longed for.

At the heart of chosen family is the idea that love isn’t dictated by blood, it’s defined by presence, loyalty, and care. It’s about surrounding yourself with people who see you, love you, and stand by you no matter what. And in a world that sometimes tells us we don’t belong, chosen family is proof that we do, whether that means assembling for a group hug after a messy breakup or showing up unannounced with pizza and watching Netflix (without the chill).

And speaking of reality checks, let’s talk about shaking up your friend circle. Because while it’s great to have that one friend who always agrees with you (yes, buying another houseplant was totally necessary), real growth comes from being around people who challenge you, broaden your perspective, and occasionally stop you from making terrible life decisions, like texting your ex at 2AM.

Expand Your Friendship Circle

Sticking to friends who are just like you creates an echo chamber, and let’s be honest, sometimes a bit of a snooze fest. You know the drill: same opinions, same inside jokes, same favorite takeout order. It’s comfortable, sure, but growth? Not so much.

Mixing up your friend circle isn’t just about variety, it’s about expanding your perspective. Older friends bring wisdom (and the best life hacks, like where to find a real bargain), younger friends bring fresh energy (and questionable TikTok trends), and friends from diverse backgrounds challenge your worldview in ways you never expected.

Take it from me, I have befriended fabulous queer elders who not only give me top-tier advice on navigating life but also remind me that resilience, humor, and knowing when to leave a party (before the drama starts) can fix almost anything. These friendships have taught me how to advocate for myself, embrace my quirks, and see challenges as just another fabulous plot twist in the story of my life. On the flip side, my younger friends keep me updated on slang that makes me feel ancient, but hey, at least I can pretend to be relevant for another year. That is, until I confidently drop a “lit” or “slay” in a sentence, only to be met with horrified stares and immediate corrections. Apparently, ‘vibe check’ is not an actual security procedure🤦🏽‍♂️!!

And if expanding your social circle isn’t on the cards right now, don’t stress. Books, podcasts, and new experiences can introduce you to perspectives just as powerful as real-life connections. Sometimes, all it takes is the right story to shift your mindset and open your world to something new.

And speaking of fresh perspectives, let’s talk about the delicate balancing act of love and friendship. You know, that classic scenario where a friend falls head over heels in love and suddenly vanishes into a whirlwind of romantic dates, couple selfies, and an alarming number of pet names. It’s all cute and fuzzy until you realize your brunch buddy is now exclusively brunching with their new boo. But don’t worry, there’s a way to keep love from steamrolling your friendships, and that’s exactly what we’re diving into next.

Balancing Love and Friendship

New relationships are exciting, suddenly, you have someone who wants to hear about your day in excruciating detail, and you no longer have to pretend that binge-watching reality TV alone is a "self-care ritual." But in the haze of new love, it’s easy to forget that friendships need nurturing too.

Think of it this way: friendships are like houseplants. Leave them unattended for too long, and they start looking a little wilted. Give them just enough love and attention, and they thrive. But if you completely abandon them for the thrill of a new romance, don’t be surprised if they wither, and passive-aggressively throw shade at you the next time you actually show up.

Your friends are your emotional safety net, the people who will be there when you need an emergency pep talk, a brutally honest outfit opinion, or a shoulder to cry on when your new relationship inevitably hits its first rough patch. Keeping your friendships alive while in a relationship isn’t just about loyalty, it’s about balance.

Maintaining separate friend circles not only strengthens your romantic bond but also ensures that your partner isn’t the only person you rely on for emotional support (because no one wants to be someone's entire social life). Absence may make the heart grow fonder, but disappearing entirely? That just makes your friends grow resentful. So, keep that group chat active, plan those catch-ups, and remember: love is great, but so is a best friend who remembers how embarrassing your teenage fashion choices were and still sticks around. 

And sometimes, being a good friend means having the tough conversations. The ones that make your palms sweaty and your heart race a little because, let’s face it, calling someone out (or being called out) isn’t exactly fun. But real friendships aren’t just about laughter and shared brunches, they’re also about honesty, accountability, and making sure both sides feel valued. Which brings us to our next topic: how to navigate those necessary hard talks.

The Necessary Hard Talks

True friendship isn’t about avoiding discomfort, it’s about honesty, accountability, and mutual effort. When we first moved up to Manchester, my husband and I took on the role of perpetual hosts. Our place became the go-to spot for game nights, dinner parties, and casual hangouts. We loved creating a warm, welcoming space for our friends, but after a while, we started to notice a pattern, our invitations were rarely, if ever, reciprocated. It felt like a one-way street, and while we didn’t expect tit-for-tat, we longed for some balance.

At first, we brushed it off, convincing ourselves that maybe people just weren’t big on hosting. But as time went on, resentment began creeping in. Were we the only ones making an effort? Did they actually enjoy our company, or was it just convenient for them to let us do all the work? Instead of letting these doubts fester, we decided to address it head-on.

We brought it up in casual yet honest conversations with our friends, expressing how we felt. Surprisingly, most of them hadn’t even realized the imbalance. Those who valued our friendship listened, reflected, and made an effort to invite us into their spaces as well. Others, however, seemed indifferent, and that told us everything we needed to know. Friendships thrive on reciprocity, and when that’s missing, it’s okay to adjust your expectations, or even your guest list.

Friendships aren’t just about spending time together, they’re about shaping who you are. The people around you influence your mindset, habits, and ambitions, whether you realize it or not. But what happens when those influences start to shift? Not all friendships are built to last forever, and sometimes, life naturally moves people in different directions. When we moved up from London to Manchester, we realised some people carried on making effort to stay in touch, others just drifted away.  As we navigate through different stages of life, some friendships remain strong while others start to fade. And while that can be bittersweet, it’s also an opportunity for growth, because not every friendship is meant to last forever, and that’s okay

Friendships That Fade

Not all friendships last forever, and that’s okay. Life changes, relocations, shifting priorities, personal growth. Picture friendships as twigs floating down a river. Some stick together for a while, some drift apart naturally, and some get stuck in the reeds only to resurface years later with a random Facebook message that starts with, "Hey, stranger!" or worse, an invite to their multi-level marketing scheme. It’s not a failure; it’s just life moving forward.

Sometimes, we hold onto friendships out of nostalgia, even when they no longer serve us. You know that one childhood friend you spent every waking moment with just because they lived next door? Now, if you ran into them, you might struggle to get past the awkward small talk about weather and what you're both watching on Netflix. Some friendships were built on convenience, not compatibility, and that's okay.

As we evolve, so do our needs in friendships. It’s not about outgrowing people in a superior way, this isn’t Pokémon evolution, it’s about recognizing that we all change, and sometimes, we just don’t fit in the same way anymore. And let’s be real, there are only so many times you can hear about someone’s essential oil side hustle before you realize it’s time to move on.

Letting go of friendships that no longer bring joy or growth isn’t a loss, it’s making room for the right connections. The key is to recognize when a friendship is naturally fading and allow it to do so gracefully, rather than clinging on like a bad haircut from 1999. And who knows? Just like those twigs in the river, some friendships might float back into your life when the timing is right. Until then, embrace the ebb and flow, and if all else fails, at least you’ll always have your group chat full of unhinged memes to keep you company.

Conclusion: The True Value of Friendship

Friendship is messy, unpredictable, and sometimes downright baffling, like why your best friend insists on texting you "guess what?!" and then disappears for three hours. But despite the occasional frustrations, friendship is also one of the most rewarding parts of life.

It’s about finding people who uplift you, challenge you, and support you, whether that means hyping you up before a big presentation, telling you when your crush is definitely not texting back, or simply knowing exactly how you like your tea (with two sugars and the perfect amount of encouragement).

Good friends aren’t just there for the fun moments; they’re the ones who show up when you need them most, even if it means dragging you out of your sad blanket cocoon and forcing you to go outside. They remind you of who you are when you forget, celebrate your weirdness, and, if they’re really top-tier, never judge you for eating an entire pizza by yourself on a Tuesday night.

So, invest wisely in the people who make you better, nurture the right connections, and never underestimate the power of chosen family. Because at the end of the day, the best friendships are the ones that make life brighter, funnier, and just a little less chaotic.